Cornerstone - Places Revisited

Does the home DNA Paternity Test – Identigene DNA Paternity product – represent a step forward for men? Would the requirement of a DNA paternity test for every birth create a change in women’s sexual behavior?

“Men should have the right to decline paternity in cases of unintended conception in the same way women have had that right for over thirty years. To support men’s family planning rights Matt Dubay is courageously taking on the Michigan Family Court in the effort to take control of his reproductive rights.” (www.nationalcenterformen.org – March 25, 2008)

In principle, men should not be forced to parent a child they do not want. But, because of the unbalanced social norms of how men and women relate to babies, men will continue to be required by law “to parent a child” in unintended pregnancy cases. The majority persist that if men do not want children they ought to use a condom, undergo a vasectomy or create a legal agreement at the start of a relationship with his (new) partner as to what they will both do about an “unintended pregnancy.” (A handful of women really believe that men have 50% control in whether his partner becomes pregnant (unintentionally.)

First, establishing a legal agreement between partners is easier said than done. In the United States State and Federal family court systems there is “no legal precedence or court recognition for hypothetical legal agreements between partners.”

Second, although there is such a thing as a vasectomy reversal operation, this procedure is only 57% effective, is quite expensive and is rarely (if never) covered by insurance.

Lastly, there is the condom dispute. Condoms are used mostly when people change partners, are in a new relationship; and seldom used when couples are in a trusted/marital relationship. When someone is in a relationship for a couple of years, we’d imagine that couples have established a mature, trusting relationship with their wife so that men would not have to worry about fatherhood, and could rely on his partner to take the pill until they have both communicated with understanding and agreement about extending or starting a family. (Men do not have the pill option.)

Condoms’ is the one contraceptive method for men and oftentimes a poor method. Condoms break even when it’s used correctly. Condoms also have a failure rate of 15%, which means that for every one hundred couples using condoms correctly (and most do not) 15% “unintended pregnancies” will occur. The failure rate for imperfect condom use increases to 20%, which is as effective as the withdrawal method.

When this happens, you often hear women (and public advocates) claim that “men decline paternity time and again and women get struck with the child.” In truth, men in the United cannot legally refuse paternity allegations even if they want to. And still, women are legally afforded unlimited opportunities to decline paternity while pregnant and after the child is born.

However, if he chooses to deny paternity he will very likely receive a summons to appear in court, forced to submit to DNA testing and further forced to accept paternity of an unintended conception. This obligation includes but is not limited to child support payments, which is approximately 17% of his income, and in most states in this country. The percentage is higher of course, depending on the income of both parents, the cost for day care, medical expenses, and the child’s education if the mother decides to enroll the child in a private school. As well, and in most states, once the biological father is determined in court, he is held responsible for 100% of the medical birthing costs if the mother is uninsured at the time of labor. That’s the law. Yet, people (and certain organizations) are quick to judge and classify men as deadbeats. The child support enforcement agency is a pitiful state agency. They are the ones who jump at men and probably the ones who started the deadbeat dad epidemic in the United States. In truth, there isn’t an epidemic of deadbeat fathers who abandon their children or deny support. The epidemic lies between the child support enforcement agencies and the family court’s unfair, unrealistic and financially crippling requirements of fathers.

(A man can be declared the father of a child if the biological father cannot be found; despite the fact that this means the mother’s having sex with someone else. To child support agencies, their concern is that “a man” pays for the child and the Court of (family) Law is mainly concerned about the Federal dollars on child support.)

Abandonment legislation was passed in most states because of the high rate of infanticide during the early 1980s. (www.pbs.org) Abandonment legislation legally permits a mother to anonymously abandon her newborn baby at police stations, fire stations and in some states, at the public library. In the United States, a mother isn’t required to notify, discuss or ask permission from the child’s biological father if she makes the decision to abandon “his” child.

Women in the United States are never left stuck with a child. Women choose to bring her unborn child to full term accepting legal paternal responsibilities. Women in this country are never forced with legal paternity, at least not in the last thirty years. However, forced parenthood happens to hundreds of men all the time, every day.

Also in the United States, women rarely, if ever, have to go through such lengths as men must to ensure against unintended paternity. Perhaps this is the reason why 70% of all annual pregnancies in this country are unintended. Compare this to the failure rate of the most popular pill method for women, and is 99% effective.

What century are we living in? Are men not entitled to enjoy really effective male contraceptives as much as women have been enjoying, while in the same breath having the option to select the best contraceptive on the market for her? Are men not entitled to have, at minimum, the same legal paternity rights as women have had for so many years?

“Justice delayed is (truly) justice denied, and slavery by any other name is still slavery. Women have reproductive rights. Men have reproductive responsibilities.”

CORNERSTONE
Charlie Chaplin was a victim of paternity fraud in the 1940s. The British film actor was prosecuted in 1944 by Federal authorities for “Mann Act” charges. Although Chaplin was eventually acquitted of the paternity fraud charges the trial not only destroyed his public image in the United States, but because of the high profile case, despite the acquittal, Chaplin had to depart for Switzerland in the 1950s.

It’s about 60 years since the Chaplin case and today, paternity fraud is a bigger problem than in the 1940s, and despite DNA testing.

REFERENCES
The Phil Donahue Show – “Are Women Getting a Free Ride?”
“Judge David Hanschen lets men challenge whether the kids they support are theirs, and the Texas Attorney General’s office is pissed.” (www.dallasobserver.com – April 2, 2008)
“In 1910, Congress passed the Mann Act as a means of addressing the problem of prostitution, which makes it a federal crime to transport prostitutes across state lines. (www.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mann_Act - Also known as the white slave traffic act)
“One of the landmarks of Progressive Era legislation was the White Slave Traffic Act, better known as the Mann Act.” (www.pbs.org)
The proposed Mann Act expansion will also hurt people who truly are victims of human trafficking. (www.feministing.com/June 9, 2008)
“Paternity Fraud is deliberate. Male economic slavery in the United States, Judge Judy denounces Paternity Fraud.” (www.mensrightsblogs.com/feeds/paternity and www.parenting-weblog.com)
“Trapping men in financial slavery and obligations . . .” (www.dontmakehermad.com/news

Are kids today spending more time online than offline? Is your child’s Internet use affecting his or her school performance, health, relationships with family and friends?

As indicated by the University of Southern California’s Annenberg School Center for the Digital future, over 1/3 of parents believe that the Internet is affecting their children’s offline activities, and the number of concerned parents is rapidly rising.

While the Internet creates interest and excitement, is a great invention and effective for immeasurable projects, the Internet can also take away children’s productive time, especially when parents recognize that their kids’ school life and their social networking events are both happening online. It is however, the parents’ responsibility to keep an eye on their kids’ time online and introduce them to activities away from the computer screen during the day and week. Parents working together to help their kids to balance time online and offline is important because, kids really need balance, to engage in language skills, outdoor activities, exercising, spending time with family and friends, doing chores around the house to help them to develop healthy bodies and minds.

There is however, a minority of parents who have rules that limit their kids’ time online, with the exception of their homework during the week. Parents who are focused on their children not only keep the computer in a common family room and regularly converse with their children about what they are working on in the Internet, but they know that language skills are more important and are best developed through reading and interaction with others in conversation and play activities, and in the healthy development of social, emotional and intellectual skills. These parents also understand that more than 3 hours a day of online activity will only make risk-taking and social relationships in the future difficult for their kids.

What we may need are more role model parents, who know how to listen carefully and pay special attention to their kids’ online activity, manage the amount of time they spend online and teach their children how to prioritize what projects they need to get done for school online. Setting time limits also encourages kids and parents to find other constructive ways to share human interaction with their peers and family.

Moreover, present studies and trends show that because more schools require students to do their homework online while implementing a digital curriculum, the Internet will inevitably replace television viewing which means that parents need to communicate and manage their kids’ time online.

When children elect an Internet life as opposed to real life – social skills and creative activities – it’s time for parents to step in and punch the computer button off. Parents know best, that not only is moderation is a positive element and, but especially that there is much more for kids to experience in life than the Internet.

References

www.thestar.com/article/532224 - “When kids spend too much time online” November 7, 2008
www.momversation.com/forum, www.hr.com/hr/communities/kids, www.parenting.families.com
www.sfs-group.co.uk/news-industry - March 18, 2008
www.cnet.com – “When the PC becomes a parenting problem”
www.nytimes.com/2008/08/25/technology - August 25, 2008 – “Spending too much time online”
www.internetfamilyfun.com – Here are some questions to ask if your kids are spending too much time online.
www.bizymoms.com – Cyber Nannies Online Education for Children

Do you believe that a guy who possesses a macho demeanor is easily compelled to commit rape? Do you believe that machismo oriented characters may be a personality sort that can put up with rape and/or sexual exploitation of women with no difficulty?

“Early in their investigation into the kidnapping and slaying of a young college woman, Reno police were convinced the suspect they described as a serial rapist was a chameleon who blended in with a community grief-stricken over the loss of Brianna Denison.

“Likely, James Michael Biela, a former marine who trained in martial arts at a academy frequented by law enforcement officers looks like somebody you would least suspect, but that is the person who is responsible for this crime,” Deputy Police Chief Jim Johns said in February, a day after Denison’s body was found.” (Associated Press, November 27, 2008, Reno, Nevada)

For more than ten years, behavioral researchers have alleged, “most guys simply become momentarily wacky. During those brief moments of wackiness, they become excited by the wrong stimulant.” (The American Journal of Forensic Medicine and Pathology – March 2008) Behavioral researchers also believe that the bad attitude of some guys derives from their feelings of inadequacy and powerlessness toward women. Between the voices heard from a group of feminists who believe that guys who rape are profoundly angry at women and those behavioral researchers' studies, will we ever really know the real reasons why some guys rape?

Back in 1998, an established writer at the Psychology Today magazine conducted a psychological study on this topic and discovered that "seventy-five percent of males admitted having used drugs and/or alcohol to get what they wanted from women. Sixty-nine percent admitted using some form of manipulation. Forty percent used anger and thirteen percent had threatened force." (This Psychology Today article may have succeeded its study because those guys who volunteered to be part of the research study willingly admitted their devious tactics.)

It may be fair to suggest that most people, women and men, would agree that whenever a guy exhibits an intense interest in x-rated, sexual exploitation of women, they possess an unfeeling quality toward women, and therefore those twisted personalities willingly accept and permit to push them to the point where they actually believe that violence against women in any form is masculine and dangerous risks motivate them to play out their twisted fantasies. These ill-spirited guys are the ones who methodically and continually use sleazy tactics to seduce women into having sex with them.

Nowadays, (unlike ten years ago when the Psychology Today's article was published) guys rarely admit to anything and while behind the mask practice their unscrupulous methods of manipulation in private while "appearing normal" in the public's eyes. In the same vein, these "twisted minds" feign insecurity, seduction and charm to intimidate someone into believing they are in the presence of a decent and normal person.

Generally, when they become comfortable and secure that they have gained your trust they will remove the mask. Hence, they will begin to whine in emotional tones about how they suffer from anxiety and fear of women, relationships, intimacy. These same guys are frequently depicted by psychologists as aggressive macho males who feel aroused while watching pornographic movies as opposed to human interaction.

Still, a smooth talking guy can only convince you of something if you want to believe what he is saying. And the more you want to believe him, the less convincing he needs to be. Without your willingness to ignore common sense on your part, even the smoothest con artist has no power and no chance to harm you. The end result depends on his character, attitude, opinion and assessment of you.

In reality, most of us do not consider that oftentimes potential rapists are guys with whom we share part of our lives with; and knowing this, women ought to exercise the power of their intuition and trust their instincts when defining the "psychological macho male." Then, separate him from real men with whom you can communicate specifically what it is you want (and do not want) or need in your life.

References

The New York Times – December 6, 2008/Health – “New studies map the mind of the rapist. Dr. Mary Koss, Psychologist at the University of Arizona Medical School in Tucson, Dr. Howard Barbarie, Psychologist at Queens College in Kingston, Ontario (A report of Dr. Barbarie's research was published in The Journal of Clinical and Consulting Psychology.

www.pep-web.org/document.php
www.psycnet.org - American Psychological Association
http://linkinghub.elsevier.com - Aggression and Violent Behavior
www.wral.com/new/national-world - WRAL-TV 11-27-08 “Tip Led to Arrest of Reno Rapist suspect"
www.endesastres.org, www.menz.org.nz

Do you believe fathers are unfairly treated in the court system? Do you believe mothers ought to be held to the same standards as fathers when they are involved in child custody and divorce cases? Does the legal system have a major flaw whenever acting as a go-between custody and divorce cases?

During the decade some divorced fathers have been known to spend over $15,000 in attorney fees and court costs because the former wife refuses to comply with court orders, denies visitation at random, excludes him from medical decisions, school meetings and speaks ill of him to the children. Despite that he may do everything humanly possible to maintain a decent relationship with his children, the ongoing battles and frustration can, at times, become overwhelming.

Realistically, the percentage of fathers unfairly treated in the court system is high, therefore, (perhaps inadvertently) giving men in custody and divorce cases the impression that the court system is anti-family union and pro break-ups, dividing the family, custodial parent and non-custodial parent so that the State can receive huge incentives from families.

Fathers ought to have equal rights to be involved in the daily lives of their children, but often they are excluded by restrictive visitation arrangements. Too often the court system, and at times the parents, loses sight of the main focus whenever in the courtroom, which is, the best interest of the children. Children need their fathers regardless of what the court says or does to them.

Although there are unfit parents - mothers and fathers alike - most court judges in this country fail to enforce consequences for biological mothers who refuse to comply with court ordered visitation schedules and ignore the mandates of Shared Parenting Plans. Because most states are "mother states," the father's only recourse is to hire an attorney to provide mediation or file a motion with the courts. Lawyers will attest that mothers in these cases, the fathers are not treated with the same rights to the children as the mother is treated.

"It takes an enormous amount of bad events for a mother to have her children taken away from her and it takes a lot more for a father to prove he is a good father, when the same burden of proof is not placed on the mother." Specifically, those dads who take care of the children and moms are the ones who leave the home. Oftentimes in these cases where the mom is the one who abandons her children, does not pay child support or takes care of her children. Nothing happens to her legally unless the dad is forced to take the issue to court. Ironically, if a father abandons his child (children) and refused to pay child support, he would be arrested and thrown in jail. Or, when released from jail and if he decided to return home and become involved in his child's life, he'd be ordered to pay back child support.

The solution could be a simpler one if only the courts would choose to hand out 50/50 judgments where both parents share equal custody and the financial cost to raise the child (children.) If judges were to decide each case without a "blind eye" divorce and custody cases could run its course without too much difficulty or problems with both parents and the children. But by the way the legal system runs now, and in most states, the judges do not make fair decisions beneficial to both parents and especially to the children. Hence, the mother and father end up returning to court, over and again until the parents have to keep paying legal fees to the courts and lawyers. This merry-go-round only drains the family's finances while tearing the family further apart and beyond repair.

The attitudes and the present divorce and custody standards of the courts, favoring one parent over the other is unfair and needs to change. The courts also need to recognize that every child needs both parents in their life instead of judges having their minds made up to give fathers a raw deal. In the same vein, the court system must learn how to recognize the needs of the children and that children benefit most when they can enjoy the love and support of both parents.

The present rules in this country's legal system are really a tragedy for so many people. Perhaps, as well, parents really need to start working things out on their own and if possible, keep the courts out of their family matters.

References

www.alecbaldwin.com – Dedication to Alec
www.mensrights.com.au
www.greatdivorceadvice.com - “Divorce Strategies for Men
www.askmen.com - “Men and Divorce” - December 11, 2008

One of the first lessons most of us learn from our parents and/or grammar schoolteachers is not to snitch on another person. Unfortunately, some children never grasp how deeply their bad mouthing hurt classmates and eventually the little snitch grows up to become an adult snitch who joins the workplace only to make employees and managers’ lives difficult.

Most of us know that high productivity and trust are key components to any successful work team and company so that to have a backstabbing employee on board will, in time, destroy the office environment and lead excellent work performance employees down the ladder of efficiency.

Sadly, a handful of employees will stay, deal with the office snitch and surrender to becoming the snitch’s long-term target.

Another handful of employees will leave the company. The employer in turn will not only lose a high-quality employee and business revenue, but the employer is forced to spend time and money to recruit new hires.

Some employees will settle in a company where a snitch is, remain silent and stay far away from the firebrand as much as possible. These employees may feel that they are not any better if they report the snitch to management and/or the Human Resources Department. They may not realize that their silence and distance not only enables the snitch to run over his or her targets but also keeps the door open for the snitch to create a dysfunctional workplace for everyone.

Then there are those who feel insecure about their jobs and not only sway from filing a complaint, keeping quiet and/or distancing themselves, but he or she chooses to stoop down the snitch’s level and resort to talking badly about another team worker. In the same breath, insecure employees will use any mask possible to cast themselves in a favorable light with management in order to protect their jobs at the company. Equal to the leading snitch, these followers don’t care who has to pay the price as long as someone else is targeted.

Mature, peaceful-minded people know that talking unkindly behind another person’s back is immoral, bad for employee morale and camaraderie. But in the distorted mind of the snitch, to not bad mouth about person is a difficult habit to break. Of course, to the rest of the (sane) world, the actions of a snitch are difficult to understand. In reality, we have the common sense to know that backbiting does not bode well for a snitch’s career prospects and/or getting ahead in any company. But in the snitch’s mind, the opposite behavior is the only way, likely because he or she had gotten away with bad-mouthing people for years.

The Personality of a Snitch

1- If one of your co-workers constantly talks badly about other employees in public, there is a fair chance that they are talking badly and in more detail about other employees behind closed doors with the employer or management.

2- A person who has been denied a promotion may become resentful and jealous of those who were awarded their promotion and may lower his or her moral standards by spreading false rumors about the promoted employee to show that he or she should have gotten the promotion in the first place.

3- In corporations, snitches never successfully rise up the corporate ladder. Most upper managers are really too busy and have much more pressing tasks at hand than listen to childish complaints. But that still doesn't mean that the troublemaker will stop stabbing another employee in the back.

4- Although 99 percent of the time employees who work long hours are really working hard, either arriving early or leaving late because they are on a tight deadline or are overloaded with projects. But there is the chronic office presence that never seems to leave the office. He or she may be the office snitch who witnesses the comings and goings of others. To protect yourself, refrain from revealing too much about your personal life or projects you're working on because the snitch will definitely use the information against you.

We don't have to deal with snitches that deliberately pollute workplace environments. We can take action to protect ourselves by filing a complaint with the manager or the Human Resources department of any illegal, dangerous, unethical behaviors, serious conduct breaches, such as sexual harassment, embezzlement or threats of violence. If no actions result from your grievances, take them to the appropriate state regulatory department.

In the end, and in the eyes and mind of your employers/managers and co-workers is that if you have always gotten stellar performance reviews and have proved your value to the company, employers/managers will dismiss a co-worker's trivial complaints, tell him or her to stop complaining and return to work.

References
www.city.net, www.aclu.org, http://November.org/snitch, www.pbs.org, www.loveshack.org/forums, www.hrworld.com/features- (How to find and stop the workplace snitch?)

The national healthcare system has always been a part of a culture and a political and economic order. This order represents our view of a basic social commitment to the care of the sick, the weak and the helpless, including justice, equity and human rights. A national healthcare system expresses our belief in the power of science and our attitude toward physicians.

Every “developed country” on this planet has some kind of universal healthcare system available to their citizens. The United States of America happens to be the only country without a universal healthcare system for their citizens. Of course, this is not to say that we don’t have a “quality” healthcare system because we do. We just don’t have the kind that most citizens could afford to buy.

In this country we have over 300,000 licensed physicians. Yet, we’re spending over 16 trillion dollars a year on “privatized healthcare,” while 45 million poverty-stricken Americans are without medical/health insurance and the benefit of seeking medical attention when necessary. However, citizens who are able to afford health insurance spend far more than is necessary through our present healthcare system, and at the same time, receive a slight decrease in benefits. Other countries spend far less on their health insurance plans and receive quality benefits.

The United Kingdom operates the kind of healthcare system, which is extended to all eligible residents of a governmental region. These programs vary widely in their structure and funding methods, particularly the degree to which they are publicly financed for everyone.

As well, Canada has a far more sophisticated and less expensive healthcare system for their citizens. Elaine Bernard, President of the New Democratic Party Healthcare system in Canada (and former President of the British Columbia New Democratic Party) had stated that, “barely anyone (Canadian citizens) waits, especially people with life threatening diseases or health problems.” Canada’s Federal government works to make certain that 95% of the citizens are insured with the national Health Plan, and that 50% of the doctors “are not specialists.” This is compared to the system in the United States, where we have 25% uninsured citizens and 75% of doctors who are titled specialists.

Our ancestors were on their own when it came to their health. Then came medicine, doctors and hospitals. Our ancestors had expert partners assisting them and if they didn’t like their doctor or local hospital, they had the option to choose another doctor and/or hospital for their healthcare needs.

Then came modern managed care. Now, ironically, we’re back on our own again, because your doctor and hospital are forced to take orders from the insurance industry, and that industry is primarily concerned with making a profit on your health.

In order for insurance companies to profit, they must limit citizens’ options on the number and kind of doctor’s visits, tests and treatments that might be costly to them, but were designed to “cure you first and worry about the cost later.”

Once upon a time, and not so long ago, French Utopian Socialist, Charles Fourier stated that, “the physician desires sickness. The undertaker wants burials and forestallers want famine to double or triple the price of grain.” If we take Fourier’s statement to heart then it is fair to say that to a certain degree Capitalism makes people desire bad things to happen to other people so that they can make money.

Is Capitalism, in part, responsible for our healthcare crisis? Is our economical system somewhat at fault for the poor healthcare system we have in this country? Is this country more preoccupied with the defense budget, corporate welfare more than the suffering of humans?

According to the American Student Medical Association (www.amsa.org) the cost to cover all medical expenses for Americans is approximately 69 billion dollars. The government however, chooses to spend 623 billion dollars on our defense budget, which is 123+ billion dollars more than any other country’s defense budget. (www.globalsecurity.org) The government also rewards over 85 billion dollars a year to the people who don’t need it as much, and the people who very much need it for medical care are denied.

Profit making conglomerates own chains of hospitals, nursing homes, kidney dialysis centers, diagnostic laboratories, pharmacies, medical office buildings, ambulatory surgical centers and shopping mall emergency centers. Are physicians andhospitals for profit one of the reasons for the healthcare crisis in this country? Healthcare insurance companies deny claims. Physicians perform expensive operations, often when the patient (the ones who can afford the insurance) doesn’t need the surgery, while the older citizens, poor and weak ones end up suffering the most.

If the American people were to receive the same universal healthcare system as other countries, we’d all live a healthier life. After all, we work as hard as other countries, and supposedly we have more money, a greater number of physicians than other countries. Yet, we seem to spend twice as much (this country has a really bad habit of over spending) and most people still do not receive the benefits from a universal healthcare system. What most hard working Americans do get are those profiteering from human suffering.

Meanwhile, those people who will unfortunately become ill will discover fast just how limited treatment options are. Under managed care you put yourself completely in the hands of an industry that sees you as a cost, to be treated as cheaply and discharged as quickly as possible.

References
www.acadermon.com/lib/essay
www.medicalnewstoday.com/youropinion - (Profit from Human Suffering)
www.thenation.com - (Global Agenda)
www.naturalnews.com - (June 30, 2007 - "It's time to end the quackery of modern medicine and the profiteering from human suffering)
www.bio-medicine.org/medicine-news - (July 9, 2008 - National Non-Profit) www.msnbc.msn.com/id/26438376 - (April 28, 2008 - "Live to 43 or 86? Depends on where you live." Healthcare-msnbc.com)
http://www.redtape.msnbc.com/2008/01/the-doctor - (“Your doctor will see your credit now, “ the Red Tape Chronicles.)

As many people as there are who follow the proper menus for their well being and image, there are women and men who choose other methods to give themselves an attractive image.

In the past two decades, there has been a turnaround in the number of people who seek and undergo cosmetic surgery. The dominating trend for global cosmetic surgery is run by affordability. Prices aboard for common and special aesthetic surgical procedures - liposuction, breast augmentation, face-lift, tummy-tuck, rhinoplasty and laser hair removal are less expensive compared to the cost of having the same procedures done in the United States and in the United Kingdom. As well, agggressive marketing strategies executed by off shore plastic surgeons and their clinics that persuade more people to fly to other countries for any cosmetic operations more tempting.

(The media has a hand in this “going under the knife” trend too. They often portray celebrities who had opted to have some kind of cosmetic procedure done in a glamorous light so that people want to be viewed in comparison to their favorite celebrity. While other celebrities sport new cosmetic surgeries all the time, the rest of the world often thinks that most of these people are beautiful and happy because of their surgeries.)

Of course, if you can afford the makeover and prefer to go under the knife, like everything else in life, go for it with caution. Because, no matter the initial patient-surgeon consultation, surgeons cannot (despite their expertise in the field) make guarantees. Realistically, there are no guarantees on how you will look after surgery, neither on how skillful the surgeon may be.

A photograph of how a potential candidate may look after surgery cannot take into account the unpredictability of how the skin will react and heal. As in any surgical procedure, there is the possibility that complications may arise once the procedure is complete. During the patient-surgeon consultation, he or she cannot guarantee beforehand your skin’s reception to the surgery, the healing and the pain. That is, will the surgeon satisfy the customer’s expectations? How many hours must be spent in the doctor’s waiting room? How many weeks will it take to recover from the surgical procedure?

There are also psychological issues that patients deal with relating to cosmetic surgery. Yet, despite these physical and psychological risks, people are still searching for ways to change and/or enhance their physical features today. Perhaps because of the enticing advances in technology and promotions, even if it’s at the risk of people’s health and mental state. (The media – newspapers, television, magazines and movies – continues to play a huge role in influencing our society to change their appearance, even if on occasion, the media will report/publish the horrors and consequences of cosmetic surgery.

When ideals of attractiveness and health practices differ, and the importance put on appearance as a motivating factor, women and men will suffer. To be obsessed with “good looks” is a preoccupation that has nothing to do with health and style. Character is far more essential than listening to glamourous stars and reading advertisements that insist on reminding us that the signs of aging are undesirable and can be eliminated with a knife. Cosmetic surgery carries an enormous price tag that is not for everyone.

Natural beauty and healthier looking skin depends on our daily habits, how we treat ourselves and our bodies. Natural beauty experts believe that skin care is “holistic.” If you really want to have healthier skin, looking and feeling better about yourself, it all starts with becoming aware of what you are doing to your skin and what you are putting into your body every day.

Most people practice proper diet and exercise, cultivating positive thoughts about their health so that they can age gracefully. Many women and men believe that smart therapy will provide them with what it takes to help them to look and feel good. They can become slim by exercising. They can become physically attractive by taking care of themselves. The healthier our diet is, the better we will appear. Because whatever we may decide real attractivemeness means to us, may not be attractive in the year 2015. But what will be considered attractive years past are to be young at heart and to age gracefully. Anything is possible if you believe in body and mind that it is possible.

References
www.lookingyourbest.com/articles, www.plasticsurgery.org/public_education, www.columbianplasticsurgery.com, www.metro.co.uk/new/articles (9-22-08 - “How Amazing They Look Natural,”) www.beautycareweb.com (Natural Beauty is still the Best,) www.blogtoplist.com (10-31-08 – Blog about cosmetic surgery)
www.trumpuniversity.com (10-1-08 – Laidoff? Cosmetic Surgery byDonald J. Trump – “There have been all sorts of studies that attractive people tend to earn more money and are promoted more than their less attractive peers. But I’m not sure that’s a good enough reason to get a nose job or liposuction. I guess if it’s something you want to do, then by all means, do it. But I think a new nose job or less wrinkly eyes aren’t going to get you a good job. It’s all about your track record and what you can do. Not how you look. I’d suggest working on your resume not your face.”

Why is it that some people find the challenge of building self-esteem and confidence in themselves difficult, while others travel in the vein of developing and improving their social skills so that they could remain independent and confident?

Children are not born with a self-image. Through experiences and interactions with other people (especially family members) young children develop an internal picture of themselves and in time place value on the person they are inside.

Parents with positive attitudes encourage children to try new things, praise their efforts and refrain from comparing a child to siblings or other children are powerful factors that influence heavily in the development of high self-esteem in early childhood. (Children are also affected by parents’ attitudes toward success and failure, and how the parents feel about themselves.)

Naturally, self-esteem (to know who you are as a person, and to love the person you are) goes hand in hand with your personal feelings of self-respect and self-worth. These basic elements are not only critical to one’s emotional and spiritual well being, but they have a tremendous impact on your quality of life, and how you view yourself and others.

However, there are a large number of young adults today who seem to feel uncomfortable developing the heights of their inner strength and instead, connect with low self-esteem. Then, they inadvertently feed on the negative, which in turn, paralyzes them from social interaction, self-expression and the ability to communicate well with others.

Are adolescents who project a poor self-image generally negative and insecure about whom they are? Are these adolescents afraid (and why) to develop a positive attitude and doubly afraid of connecting with what and how they are feeling inside; thus comfortable living in a world of emptiness, isolation, immaturity and loneliness?

Today, the cost of low self-esteem is painfully obvious, particularly for adolescent girls. Despite incredible opportunities for life and career development in recent years, adolescent girls are at greater risk than boys of depression, thoughts about suicide and suicide attempts, eating disorders (the development of anorexia and bulimia, worries about appearance and weight are an even more common way that girls face low self-esteem and the development of general health problems.) Adolescent girls are more likely to abuse drugs and alcohol, which are also linked to low self-esteem. Adolescent girls are more likely to drop out of school, while one million girls become pregnant each year.

Reports indicate that adolescents with low self-esteem are more likely to become involved in delinquent behavior. In other cases they may act out violence to compensate for their feelings of insecurity and low self-esteem. One of the appeals of gangs is that they give the gang member a feeling of belonging, acceptance and importance while encouraging group delinquent behavior.

Young adults who lack self-worth oftentimes conceal their feelings of low self-esteem to impress others, gain acceptance, respect and/or approval because they feel that the pretended bravado is more appealing. Not realizing that by suppressing the trauma only inhibits self-appreciation and personal growth. If adolescents continue to feed the developing destructive patterns of behavior into adulthood, the result will only lead to chronic health issues.

(Young people should be taught to love their bodies. It’s not about what the latest fashion magazines tell them they should look like. It’s about loving themselves and their bodies. At times, problems can be so overwhelming it’s difficult for some girls to handle. She could become excessively self-conscious and unsure because of trouble at home, poor role models, and a physical or learning disability.)

Adolescents with self-esteem have a natural and comfortable time describing who they are to other people.

Responsible parents who teach their children well, guide and supports them instills in a child to value who they are, to set goals and to achieve them. Parents help their children to learn how to help themselves to feel secure and good about whom they are. After all, a yearning for achievements is an admirable attribute of human nature. Helping adolescents set achievable, realistic goals by focusing on who they are, rather than on how they look is an important task for parents, caretakers and educators.

For adolescent girls today, the cost of low self-esteem is painfully obvious. Despite today's incredible opportunities for live and career development, adolescent girls are at greater risk of depression and eating disorders than boys of the same age; and are more likely to abuse drugs and alcohol. Girls are also more likely to drop out of school, while one million girls become pregnant each year. (www.loveourchildrenusa.org.)

Those who lack self-worth oftentimes conceal their feelings of low self-esteem to impress others, gain acceptance and respect/approval because they feel that the pretended bravado is more appealing. The decision to live in a make-believe world could only suppress the young adult trauma that inhibits self-appreciation and personal growth. And, if they continue to feed the developing destructive patterns of behavior into adulthood, the result could only lead to chronic health issues.

On the other hand, adolescents with self-esteem have a natural and comfortable time describing who they are to other people. With parental guidance they learn to help themselves to feel secure and good about whom they are. They also interact with others who are as like-minded as they are. (After all, a yearning for achievements is an admirable attribute of human nature.) Parents who teach their children well and supports them raises a child to value who they are and to set goals and to achieve them.

However, some girls develop independence and self worth earlier than others. At times, problems can be so overwhelming it's difficult for a girl to handle. She could become excessively self-conscious and unsure because of trouble at home, poor role models, and a physical or learning disability.

As parents, it is important to reinforce your daughter's (son's) confidence as you begin the process of letting her or him go.

Helping adolescents set achievable, realistic goals by focusing on who they are, rather than on how they look is an important task for parents, caretakers and educators.

Teach adolescents to spend time with people who like and more important, care about them. Ignore and stay away from people who put you down or treat you badly. Teach children to do things that they enjoy and/or that makes them feel good so that they can develop their talents. Teach adolescents to be their own best friend and treat themselves well. Teach adolescents to make positive choices for themselves and don't allow others to make choices for them. All this could only guide adolescents into taking responsibility for themselves, their choices and actions and that they could only want to do what they believe is right. Teach adolescents to be true to themselves and their values, to respect other people and treat them well.

Listen to your children. You may have dreams for them, but they have dreams of their own. Learn to respect them and their thoughts, ideas and feelings even though they will make mistakes along the way. Every child falls and then discovers balance as they learn to walk into the future.

Closing

"Both science and religion teach us that the obstacles to serenity are not external. They live within us. If we acquire the act of proper self-love, if aided by religion, we free ourselves from shadows. Fears and learning to face grief and to transcend it, if we flee from immaturity and boldly shoulder adult responsibility, if we appraise and accept ourselves as we really are, how then can we fail to create a good life for ourselves? For them, inward peace will be ours." (Readers Digest - May 1946)

What is important is how we choose to love, how we express our love through our work. What we believe about ourselves if especially reflected in our self-esteem. Positive beliefs make us feel good about ourselves and raise our self-esteem. Negative beliefs make us feel bad about ourselves and lower our self-esteem.

Eleanor Roosevelt said - "Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission."

References

www.goodcharacter.com
www.brains.org/depression.html
www.help4teachers.com/depression
www.loveourchildrenusa.org
www.springerlink.com
www.powells.com - Life Choices; Teaching Adolescents to make Positive Decisions

“Bullying in the workplace can cause irreparable harm to individuals and pose significant financial burdens for health care facilities and institutions.” (www.bullyinginstitute.org)

Bullying is a persistent unwelcome behavior. The office bully is the sort of person who thrives on rising unwarranted or invalid criticism with a malicious mix of humiliation, intimidation, verbal abuse, nit picking, fault finding, shouting at and/or berating the target as if he or she is a child, excessive monitoring, being singled out and treated differently.

In the last 20 years or more, bullying has become common in our societies, in school, in relationships, in uniform, in crime, with neighbors, but more devastating, the abuse of the elderly at nursing homes.

Now, this silent epidemic is spreading throughout the workplace.

Despite the façade that such bullies put up publicly, a bully has low self-confidence and low self-esteem, therefore feels insecure. Low self-esteem is a factor that all studies of bullies have highlighted (References attached) As well; people who are psychologically violent tend to have low self-esteem, high self-discipline and intelligence. Until recently, psychologically violent people in the workplace were regarded as tough managers, difficult characters, or at worst, a pain in the rear. (While bullying is often thought of as the bad behavior of employers, a phenomenon known as “horizontal violence” is a form of bullying that occurs among workers (supervisors, managers) on the same level.

Unlike illegal forms of harassment and discrimination, bullying is not directed at a person because of his or her religion, gender, age, race or other demographic variable. Bullying is not a simple conflict, a mere difference in personalities, something done by playful, unknowing jerks. It is the bullying system that grows and sustains them. The bully is not interested in obtaining sexual favors or dominating a vulnerable group. The bully targets an employee because of his or her popularity and competence, which is perceived as a direct threat to the bully.

The office bully, often an employer, focuses on distorted or fabricated allegations of under performance and often go to great lengths to keep their targets quiet by threatening disciplinary action, dismissal and gagging causes. Because the purpose for anyone to bully another is to conceal their inadequacy, lack of performance as a leader and incompetence, the bully uses this method of abuse because he or she is more in fear of their inadequacies from being exposed and then be forced to be made accountable for their behavior and its consequences.

As kids, one of our parents’ responsibilities is to teach us the difference between bad and good behavior. If we behave well there are rewards. If we behave badly there are consequences/punishment. Because an adult bully was never taught how to accept responsibility for their behavior, the bully is, of course, reluctant to accept responsibilities necessary to live in an adult world. However, in the same breath, they desire to enjoy the rewards and benefits of living in an adult world. And unless they desire to recognize their bad behavior and know that there are really better ways of behaving, the office bully may never recognize the effect of his or her behavior on others. Thus, the bullying person could never become a responsible adult and will only exist as an undisciplined little tyrant in the body of an adult.

Unfortunately, bullies have learned how not to be accountable for their actions by using their habitual response of denial, blaming others and pretending that he or she is the victim.

Regrettably, human nature moves co-workers to avoid the target who is being bullied by their superior, remain on guard and even if they witness a boss bullying another team worker they will often side with the bully (employer, who knowingly abuses his or her role and deliberately crosses the line from boss to bully) out of fear of becoming the next victim.

The silent epidemic spreads in the hush while the symptoms of those victims bullied by their bosses rises – a decline in work performance, a rise in absenteeism, rapid turnover, and the departure of the best and brightest, a prevailing aura of distrust, resentment and hostility in an already toxic environment. It would be nice if people could treat others with common decency. But it seems that most people put capitalism before humanity.

Workplace bullying is illegal in most industrialized countries. Yet, awareness of bullying and its seriousness is still low through the world.

Four common bullying conduct patterns are -

1- The screaming, fist-pounding employer who enjoys cultivating fear in others.

2- The friend-to-your-face boss who ends up stabbing you in the back.

3- The constant critic who never ceases to take a break from badgering another person.

4- The gatekeeper . . . Well, he or she is the one who has access to materials and information.

Although their styles may differ, "what all bullies share is that they are Machiavellian (scheming, conniving frauds.) They are willing to manipulate other people to accomplish their own goals. Everything is driven by their personal agenda." (www.uoworks.com - Unique Opportunities Magazine)

Closing
Some people dispute that people need to stand up for and educate themselves. A job is just like any aspect of life. If you stand up for yourself from day one, you will be okay. If you allow someone to walk all over you, the situation will only worsen as times goes by. But there are employees who cannot/will not stand up and defend themselves. It's just not in their psychological make-up and bullies are very skilled at recognizing and exploiting the weak. (www.bullybusters.org)

Others feel that there is no recourse but to leave the job. In the end, the employee always holds the trump card. If the boss is a jerk, the employee can look for another job. If he or she is an excellent worker then the company loses.

Unfortunately, there are many more people who feel that they have to put up with demeaning situations because they need the money and/or benefits. While the last quarter feel that if you are pregnant, sick with cancer, in terrible debt, trying to raise a family, or when you have a pension and medical payments, finding another job, especially in this economy is not easy. Letting bullies run the workplace is bad for business, and it hurts the workplace. Once the bullied target leaves, who's next?

References
www.workplacebullying.co.uk - Uniting employers and employees against workplace bullying
www.minkhollow.ca/bullying.html - As many as 10% of suicides may be related to workplace trauma
www.workrelationships.com, www.bmjjournals.com, www.bullyinginstitute.org

A Perfect Christmas Season Belongs to You

I wish upon the Heavenly Star
Glistening on top of our Christmas Tree
For you and I and all our Friends and Families
To enjoy a Holiday Season
As perfect and peaceful as the Holy Night,
The Birth of Christ

I wish for you especially
A beautiful 2009 New Year
With only Happiness and Harmony
Love and Kindness with each new day

Merry, Merry Christmas
The Best in the New Year

Copyright 2006 - LadyRm
"Precious Moments Happen When We Believe"