When he or she pretends to have an orgasm, is the person who is faking inadvertently harming the relationship? Why would anyone want to fake an orgasm? A 1988 study, conducted by sociologists, revealed that 60% of women occasionally faked having an orgasm. At that time, the study also revealed that only but a few men fake it since they rarely have difficulty climaxing. If they do have trouble, they fake it when they feel they are about to lose their erection, hence fooling their partner

(Today, 25% of men admitted to faking it, some even did it during oral sex. Guys can't falsify ejaculation, but they can fake their moans and movements. Why do they? Like women, they may be tired, stressed or simply having difficulty climaxing, but want their partner to feel good about the experience - www.glamour.com - October 2007)

Another reason why women (and men) choose to pretend is because men consider orgasm proof of their skill in satisfying their partner. And since it's difficult for a man to tell whether their partner climaxed or faked it, most men need to ask, "Did you come?" What is wrong with the truth? Sadly, some people cannot accept the truth. They say they want to hear the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, but the truth is they end up splashing and rolling around in self-pity, verbalizing that it's okay when it's not.

Then, there are some women who fake it to get it over and done with because sex is not such a hot deal to them. You do it. It's finished. To some, career goals and ambition take precedence to sex. They feel comfortable pretending and pleasing their partner at the same time. It works for them and their man's ego is intact.

Of course, a man cannot give you an orgasm. He can only provide the stimulation that contributes to arousal by learning what works for you, and by the way he treats you using the techniques that please you. Unfortunately, the problem is that there are men who do not know how to please their mate, particularly those who have spent their lives having sex randomly and seeking self gratification. Because of this immature lifestyle they end up unable to physically discover what is pleasing to their partners. They never grow into mature adults. This is not to excuse making pretending orgasm a trend. Because if he should discover your deception, the relationship will become hostile, and probably terminate.

So the next time you feel yourself beginning to pretend, ask yourself, Why must I pretend? If you feel you have to please him more than yourself, then he is doing something wrong. This is not to say that you have to climax every time you have sex or that you cannot enjoy sex unless you reach orgasm. But, if you never do, or rarely do, you need to consider that maybe your partner just isn’t the right partner for you.

For over a decade, most support groups have pacified crime victims, convincing most of them that they are not responsible for their plight. Quite a number of support groups believe that if victims blame themselves for the incident that they may not emotionally recover from the ordeal. (So they pacify their behavior by shifting the blame to someone else, perhaps the perpetrator, so the victim feels better about moving on and healing)

However, most of us believe that some victims should blame themselves for behaving irresponsibly. These same people know that plenty of victims have the tendency to at times make dumb decisions and that the one positive way to bounce back from a bad incident is to learn how to become cautious and responsible for their actions.

I'd agree that we should not confine ourselves. We should feel free to go and do whatever we want to do, whenever we want to do it. We are all entitled to that freedom in this country. However, while enjoying the freedom, I'd say, have fun, pay heed and use common sense whenever you make the decision to do as you wish. Your decision will determine what happens next.

If I decided to go with my free-spirited mood and jog the city streets at night, with fifty dollars in the back pocket of my jeans and end colliding with a bandit who immediately points a gun at me and searches my pockets for cash, should I feel violated and appalled, or should I feel embarrassed by my innate lack of common sense? Would this mean I am a New York City prisoner, prohibited to jog whenever and wherever I wish? Would this mean that the bandit ought to be applauded since I presented him/her with a chance only a fool would brush aside?
Most people around this town would say yes, because I influenced an episode that I could have prevented.

(Today, we are witnessing an increase in daylight victims because the streets are no longer only dangerous during the dark hours.)

On the flip side, there is an allowance for victims who are simply in the wrong place at the wrong time. This may be bad luck, or at minimum, bad timing. However, those victims recover from the psychological trauma of the incident faster because they give real thought to the possibility that they could have done something to prevent the incident, or if perhaps they may have contributed to the incident through their behavior. These small group of people refuse to be labeled a victim, and therefore work to get past the bad experience as quickly as humanly possible and move forward with their lives.

Unlike victims who do not blame their own behavior for what happened to them and escape from responsibility, they generally become victims, again.

To prevent victimization, we need to limit our sense of vulnerability and change our behavior patterns. Of course, to feel you have the right to do whatever you wish is not the issue. Perhaps common sense is really a basic instinct, a small "voice" inside each of us that attempts to guide us, and if we choose to ignore, consequences will result, not all of them good. As well, and at times, common sense persuades us not to want to do whatever we desire all the time.

As adults, we must take responsibility for the consequences of our actions.

We all have, at one time or another, known or have associated ourselves with a person whose nature exuded the need to take and never give back to the relationship. By definition, this sort of person, who is primarily focused on self-love, is a narcissist.

The mind-set of a narcissist is that of a self-absorbed child that exists in the body of an adult, one who demands constant praise and attention. Although, unlike a child who has yet to learn the grace of sharing and receiving, there is no grace to the child-adult narcissist's needs and demands. Because narcissists are incapable of seeing the adverse effects their destructive behavior has on those who love and care for them, they continue to want more from the relationship.

Some psychologists have abandoned the idea that narcissism has but a small connection with low self-esteem. If so, then why do narcissists require to boast and demand reassurances from their partners to satisfy their internal emptiness?

Analysts, however, suggest that internally, a narcissist has unresolved issues of inferiority, and that anyone who uncovers this veiled aspect will no doubt be on the receiving end of the narcissist's wrath. (Surprising, most serial killers and cheaters are pathological narcissists. They have a strong desire to regard themselves as superior beings. They do not care about another person’s feelings, well being or about self-esteem.)

Of course, as humans, we need our egos stroked once in a while, because a reasonable dose of self-involvement is important to any healthy adult's personality, and helps us to take care of our bodies and minds and to achieve dreams and goals. But along with our healthy dose of self-involvement, we balance the scales with empathy, sensitivity and understanding toward the people we love. Giving and receiving is a two-way street.

Narcissists do not believe in a two-way street. They lose sight of the damage that their selfishness imposes on people around them. Well-adjusted, mature adults know how to accept criticism as constructive, narcissists do not. Because narcissists are too preoccupied with validating an unrealistic theatrical self-image, they view criticism as highly upsetting and lash out against anyone who suggests they are flawed.

However, anyone who decides to end the relationship with the insufferable narcissist, may soon discover that like a child they will become hostile. Never mind that you have shattered their grandiose image, but they believe that they have invested too much time and energy to create their unrealistic, favorable self-image, so that who are you to "dump" the center of the universe.

Nonetheless, to make themselves feel better, they will construe in their minds that the reason you left is because you do not understand them. They will not accept that they are self-indulgent creatures who have no regard for the feelings of another person. They will not admit that they lack empathy in the pleasure or pain of their partners/spouses, because they lack the maturity necessary to behave responsibly and compassionately.

Since it is inevitable that narcissists will get lost anytime soon, all we can do to keep our sanity is not to invest time and energy in a one-dimensional relationship.

A healthy relationship requires that two people care about each other’s feelings, communicate differences, establish a committed, solid relationship with compassion and love for the other person. The narcissist believes in the opposite and will leave the relationship, head into a different direction and seek new conquests and diversions. A new person will, after all, stroke their ego, lavish them with compliments and remind them how fantastic they are, because they are not people who want to work to better a relationship. They worry too much about what they are getting out of the relationship.

Troublesome narcissists may die out if, whenever we see one heading our way, we run the other way.

Most people flirt because they have the knack to be playful and to know the difference between negative and positive flirting.

People who flirt with good behavior take part in this recreation with the purpose of turning ordinary, everyday situations into complimentary moments.

Most of us can recognize a positive flirt a mile away just by their demeanor. They clearly possess the sense and sensibility to know how and when to be flirtatious because they are naturally charming and friendly people. They flirt to have fun while at the same time bringing a smile to the face of the person they are flirting with.

Some people flirt by tossing their hair at the person they want to attract, or by peering over their sunglasses when they notice someone that attracts their attention in the supermarket, at the subway station or while walking down the street and all with subtle eye contact.

Then, we have those who dabble in the opposite direction of a flirt with style and grace.

Negative flirts ruin the fun for those who flirt with good behavior, to compliment the flirt's attraction more than himself/herself. The flirts behaving badly are similar to party crashers who break the rules and cross the line.

Because negative flirts lack the good taste to flirt for fun, they show no regard for the person they are flirting with. Instead, they “put down” the traditional art with the intent to seduce, capture and uplift their ego, thus giving flirtatious behavior a bad reputation.

Most people know the difference between the classy, playful flirt and the offensive flirt who is blinded to the effect their offensive behavior may have on the other person, even when the "target" walks away feeling disgusted or threatened.

Perhaps this may be the reason why spectators in general frown at flirtatious behavior, because of the extremely unpleasant ones. But then again, there is a handful of us who know the clear differences between positive and negative flirting.

It'd be nice if we could all play nicely with the other children.