Why is it that some people find the challenge of building self-esteem and confidence in themselves difficult, while others travel in the vein of developing and improving their social skills so that they could remain independent and confident?
Children are not born with a self-image. Through experiences and interactions with other people (especially family members) young children develop an internal picture of themselves and in time place value on the person they are inside.
Parents with positive attitudes encourage children to try new things, praise their efforts and refrain from comparing a child to siblings or other children are powerful factors that influence heavily in the development of high self-esteem in early childhood. (Children are also affected by parents’ attitudes toward success and failure, and how the parents feel about themselves.)
Naturally, self-esteem (to know who you are as a person, and to love the person you are) goes hand in hand with your personal feelings of self-respect and self-worth. These basic elements are not only critical to one’s emotional and spiritual well being, but they have a tremendous impact on your quality of life, and how you view yourself and others.
However, there are a large number of young adults today who seem to feel uncomfortable developing the heights of their inner strength and instead, connect with low self-esteem. Then, they inadvertently feed on the negative, which in turn, paralyzes them from social interaction, self-expression and the ability to communicate well with others.
Are adolescents who project a poor self-image generally negative and insecure about whom they are? Are these adolescents afraid (and why) to develop a positive attitude and doubly afraid of connecting with what and how they are feeling inside; thus comfortable living in a world of emptiness, isolation, immaturity and loneliness?
Today, the cost of low self-esteem is painfully obvious, particularly for adolescent girls. Despite incredible opportunities for life and career development in recent years, adolescent girls are at greater risk than boys of depression, thoughts about suicide and suicide attempts, eating disorders (the development of anorexia and bulimia, worries about appearance and weight are an even more common way that girls face low self-esteem and the development of general health problems.) Adolescent girls are more likely to abuse drugs and alcohol, which are also linked to low self-esteem. Adolescent girls are more likely to drop out of school, while one million girls become pregnant each year.
Reports indicate that adolescents with low self-esteem are more likely to become involved in delinquent behavior. In other cases they may act out violence to compensate for their feelings of insecurity and low self-esteem. One of the appeals of gangs is that they give the gang member a feeling of belonging, acceptance and importance while encouraging group delinquent behavior.
Young adults who lack self-worth oftentimes conceal their feelings of low self-esteem to impress others, gain acceptance, respect and/or approval because they feel that the pretended bravado is more appealing. Not realizing that by suppressing the trauma only inhibits self-appreciation and personal growth. If adolescents continue to feed the developing destructive patterns of behavior into adulthood, the result will only lead to chronic health issues.
(Young people should be taught to love their bodies. It’s not about what the latest fashion magazines tell them they should look like. It’s about loving themselves and their bodies. At times, problems can be so overwhelming it’s difficult for some girls to handle. She could become excessively self-conscious and unsure because of trouble at home, poor role models, and a physical or learning disability.)
Adolescents with self-esteem have a natural and comfortable time describing who they are to other people.
Responsible parents who teach their children well, guide and supports them instills in a child to value who they are, to set goals and to achieve them. Parents help their children to learn how to help themselves to feel secure and good about whom they are. After all, a yearning for achievements is an admirable attribute of human nature. Helping adolescents set achievable, realistic goals by focusing on who they are, rather than on how they look is an important task for parents, caretakers and educators.
For adolescent girls today, the cost of low self-esteem is painfully obvious. Despite today's incredible opportunities for live and career development, adolescent girls are at greater risk of depression and eating disorders than boys of the same age; and are more likely to abuse drugs and alcohol. Girls are also more likely to drop out of school, while one million girls become pregnant each year. (www.loveourchildrenusa.org.)
Those who lack self-worth oftentimes conceal their feelings of low self-esteem to impress others, gain acceptance and respect/approval because they feel that the pretended bravado is more appealing. The decision to live in a make-believe world could only suppress the young adult trauma that inhibits self-appreciation and personal growth. And, if they continue to feed the developing destructive patterns of behavior into adulthood, the result could only lead to chronic health issues.
On the other hand, adolescents with self-esteem have a natural and comfortable time describing who they are to other people. With parental guidance they learn to help themselves to feel secure and good about whom they are. They also interact with others who are as like-minded as they are. (After all, a yearning for achievements is an admirable attribute of human nature.) Parents who teach their children well and supports them raises a child to value who they are and to set goals and to achieve them.
However, some girls develop independence and self worth earlier than others. At times, problems can be so overwhelming it's difficult for a girl to handle. She could become excessively self-conscious and unsure because of trouble at home, poor role models, and a physical or learning disability.
As parents, it is important to reinforce your daughter's (son's) confidence as you begin the process of letting her or him go.
Helping adolescents set achievable, realistic goals by focusing on who they are, rather than on how they look is an important task for parents, caretakers and educators.
Teach adolescents to spend time with people who like and more important, care about them. Ignore and stay away from people who put you down or treat you badly. Teach children to do things that they enjoy and/or that makes them feel good so that they can develop their talents. Teach adolescents to be their own best friend and treat themselves well. Teach adolescents to make positive choices for themselves and don't allow others to make choices for them. All this could only guide adolescents into taking responsibility for themselves, their choices and actions and that they could only want to do what they believe is right. Teach adolescents to be true to themselves and their values, to respect other people and treat them well.
Listen to your children. You may have dreams for them, but they have dreams of their own. Learn to respect them and their thoughts, ideas and feelings even though they will make mistakes along the way. Every child falls and then discovers balance as they learn to walk into the future.
Closing
"Both science and religion teach us that the obstacles to serenity are not external. They live within us. If we acquire the act of proper self-love, if aided by religion, we free ourselves from shadows. Fears and learning to face grief and to transcend it, if we flee from immaturity and boldly shoulder adult responsibility, if we appraise and accept ourselves as we really are, how then can we fail to create a good life for ourselves? For them, inward peace will be ours." (Readers Digest - May 1946)
What is important is how we choose to love, how we express our love through our work. What we believe about ourselves if especially reflected in our self-esteem. Positive beliefs make us feel good about ourselves and raise our self-esteem. Negative beliefs make us feel bad about ourselves and lower our self-esteem.
Eleanor Roosevelt said - "Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission."
References
www.goodcharacter.com
www.brains.org/depression.html
www.help4teachers.com/depression
www.loveourchildrenusa.org
www.springerlink.com
www.powells.com - Life Choices; Teaching Adolescents to make Positive Decisions
