Do you believe fathers are unfairly treated in the court system? Do you believe mothers ought to be held to the same standards as fathers when they are involved in child custody and divorce cases? Does the legal system have a major flaw whenever acting as a go-between custody and divorce cases?
During the decade some divorced fathers have been known to spend over $15,000 in attorney fees and court costs because the former wife refuses to comply with court orders, denies visitation at random, excludes him from medical decisions, school meetings and speaks ill of him to the children. Despite that he may do everything humanly possible to maintain a decent relationship with his children, the ongoing battles and frustration can, at times, become overwhelming.
Realistically, the percentage of fathers unfairly treated in the court system is high, therefore, (perhaps inadvertently) giving men in custody and divorce cases the impression that the court system is anti-family union and pro break-ups, dividing the family, custodial parent and non-custodial parent so that the State can receive huge incentives from families.
Fathers ought to have equal rights to be involved in the daily lives of their children, but often they are excluded by restrictive visitation arrangements. Too often the court system, and at times the parents, loses sight of the main focus whenever in the courtroom, which is, the best interest of the children. Children need their fathers regardless of what the court says or does to them.
Although there are unfit parents - mothers and fathers alike - most court judges in this country fail to enforce consequences for biological mothers who refuse to comply with court ordered visitation schedules and ignore the mandates of Shared Parenting Plans. Because most states are "mother states," the father's only recourse is to hire an attorney to provide mediation or file a motion with the courts. Lawyers will attest that mothers in these cases, the fathers are not treated with the same rights to the children as the mother is treated.
"It takes an enormous amount of bad events for a mother to have her children taken away from her and it takes a lot more for a father to prove he is a good father, when the same burden of proof is not placed on the mother." Specifically, those dads who take care of the children and moms are the ones who leave the home. Oftentimes in these cases where the mom is the one who abandons her children, does not pay child support or takes care of her children. Nothing happens to her legally unless the dad is forced to take the issue to court. Ironically, if a father abandons his child (children) and refused to pay child support, he would be arrested and thrown in jail. Or, when released from jail and if he decided to return home and become involved in his child's life, he'd be ordered to pay back child support.
The solution could be a simpler one if only the courts would choose to hand out 50/50 judgments where both parents share equal custody and the financial cost to raise the child (children.) If judges were to decide each case without a "blind eye" divorce and custody cases could run its course without too much difficulty or problems with both parents and the children. But by the way the legal system runs now, and in most states, the judges do not make fair decisions beneficial to both parents and especially to the children. Hence, the mother and father end up returning to court, over and again until the parents have to keep paying legal fees to the courts and lawyers. This merry-go-round only drains the family's finances while tearing the family further apart and beyond repair.
The attitudes and the present divorce and custody standards of the courts, favoring one parent over the other is unfair and needs to change. The courts also need to recognize that every child needs both parents in their life instead of judges having their minds made up to give fathers a raw deal. In the same vein, the court system must learn how to recognize the needs of the children and that children benefit most when they can enjoy the love and support of both parents.
The present rules in this country's legal system are really a tragedy for so many people. Perhaps, as well, parents really need to start working things out on their own and if possible, keep the courts out of their family matters.
References
www.alecbaldwin.com – Dedication to Alec
www.mensrights.com.au
www.greatdivorceadvice.com - “Divorce Strategies for Men
www.askmen.com - “Men and Divorce” - December 11, 2008
